Wednesday, July 21, 2010

One year later

One year ago today my old world ended. No warning just BAM! My husband decided without any discussion to leave our home; no reason given, but later the reason was discovered by myself.

Fast forward to today; I have learned a lot in the past year. One, I learned that I am pretty resilient. Knock me down and I get right back up again as the song says. Two, I found that I have REALLY great friends in real life as well as the blog world. Three, I learned that I can ride the lawn mower, self taught with the owner's guide tucked in my bra! LOL I also can pick up icky dead mice; as long as I have my gloves on. I learned that I like to work with wood as well as fabric. I learned some gardening; learned that I love to get my toes dirty, and I LOVE to dig, what a great therapy! I enjoy the results of my work. I have had many great comments from neighbors on the work I have done.

I found I like living alone with my bullies. I have friends who come to stay with me and I love that too. I'm okay with being here by myself. There is a peace here. I call it my sanctuary now. I also rediscovered who I am. I am the girl who loves being dirty, whose family is from the South ( no more being ashamed of that!) I love listening to all music especially country and bluegrass. I don't much care what job I get; working in a factory would be just as good as working in a fancy office. I'm not that fancy anymore.

I also lost weight ; about sixty pounds; but still have a ways to go ; like 100 lbs. But that is okay! I'm happy with what I look like right now! It's amazing the change in me; outside and inside. I'm more creative now. It is as if all the creative spirit was jammed up because of all the fear and sadness I lived in.

I have met a nice friend who is a neighbor. He rides a Harley and he is such a nice man. He has stopped by to talk a few times and has invited me to ride with him. Don't know where that will go, but that is okay. I'm not planning anything, I'm just happy to have a new friend who rides. And the cool thing is, he has seen me at my worst every time, dirty from digging, cleaning, sweaty! And this last time wearing my "did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?" t-shirt. No makeup and my hair all catty wampus. He acts like I am just perfect as I am. That is so nice!

We are still married, due to the economy and my need for insurance. He takes care of many of the financial issues, but not timely and not always without a discussion. We are on the verge of losing my home which would be a really bad thing, as I have finally fallen in love with my home; I always loved the land, but not the house so much! He has now lost his job as well, but he will get unemployment as well as his pension. I am hoping for the best. I am applying everywhere for everything. I am not too proud to do any job. I have cleaned a friend's home for money. And I do not feel bad about it at all. I feel lucky to have a friend that would try to help me in such a way! I know there is a plan, but I sure wish God would kind of give me a nudge in the right direction!

So, one year later; here I am ; still learning about myself; doing a lot of physical labor, which has given me a little muscle. Finding my way one day at a time. Learning to live more simply and on way ,way less money. But I am okay and hopeful. I have that now; hope. Thanks for all your support; I am hoping this next year is the best ever; every day now is the best ever.

My Country Baby Murphy