Wednesday, July 21, 2010

One year later

One year ago today my old world ended. No warning just BAM! My husband decided without any discussion to leave our home; no reason given, but later the reason was discovered by myself.

Fast forward to today; I have learned a lot in the past year. One, I learned that I am pretty resilient. Knock me down and I get right back up again as the song says. Two, I found that I have REALLY great friends in real life as well as the blog world. Three, I learned that I can ride the lawn mower, self taught with the owner's guide tucked in my bra! LOL I also can pick up icky dead mice; as long as I have my gloves on. I learned that I like to work with wood as well as fabric. I learned some gardening; learned that I love to get my toes dirty, and I LOVE to dig, what a great therapy! I enjoy the results of my work. I have had many great comments from neighbors on the work I have done.

I found I like living alone with my bullies. I have friends who come to stay with me and I love that too. I'm okay with being here by myself. There is a peace here. I call it my sanctuary now. I also rediscovered who I am. I am the girl who loves being dirty, whose family is from the South ( no more being ashamed of that!) I love listening to all music especially country and bluegrass. I don't much care what job I get; working in a factory would be just as good as working in a fancy office. I'm not that fancy anymore.

I also lost weight ; about sixty pounds; but still have a ways to go ; like 100 lbs. But that is okay! I'm happy with what I look like right now! It's amazing the change in me; outside and inside. I'm more creative now. It is as if all the creative spirit was jammed up because of all the fear and sadness I lived in.

I have met a nice friend who is a neighbor. He rides a Harley and he is such a nice man. He has stopped by to talk a few times and has invited me to ride with him. Don't know where that will go, but that is okay. I'm not planning anything, I'm just happy to have a new friend who rides. And the cool thing is, he has seen me at my worst every time, dirty from digging, cleaning, sweaty! And this last time wearing my "did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?" t-shirt. No makeup and my hair all catty wampus. He acts like I am just perfect as I am. That is so nice!

We are still married, due to the economy and my need for insurance. He takes care of many of the financial issues, but not timely and not always without a discussion. We are on the verge of losing my home which would be a really bad thing, as I have finally fallen in love with my home; I always loved the land, but not the house so much! He has now lost his job as well, but he will get unemployment as well as his pension. I am hoping for the best. I am applying everywhere for everything. I am not too proud to do any job. I have cleaned a friend's home for money. And I do not feel bad about it at all. I feel lucky to have a friend that would try to help me in such a way! I know there is a plan, but I sure wish God would kind of give me a nudge in the right direction!

So, one year later; here I am ; still learning about myself; doing a lot of physical labor, which has given me a little muscle. Finding my way one day at a time. Learning to live more simply and on way ,way less money. But I am okay and hopeful. I have that now; hope. Thanks for all your support; I am hoping this next year is the best ever; every day now is the best ever.


Linda ★ Parker's Paradise said...

I feel for you sweetie. I, too, have had to start over in my life. It is a rude awakening but does have positive end results. Self-esteem is a powerful thing. Blessings in disguise. I am glad to see you back and wish the very best for you. Hope you don't lose your home but if you do, I know you will rebound. You are unbeatable now!
★ Linda ★

Anonymous said...

So glad to hear that you are doing well and feeling great. Congrats on the weight loss! I so hope that you do not lose your home. And I'm wishing that this next year is your best ever!! Take care, my friend and give the bullies a hug from me.

Shanda said...

Merrie, good for you, good for you. fall seven times, get back up eight. Glad to know you are doing good and finding your way, your way. Blessing to you my friend,

Nezzy said...

Oh sweetie, you have been through the wringer and back. I'm so happy you've landed on your feet. I have no doubt God IS nuggin' ya'll in he right direction, it's just not always at the pace we would like. I'm the kinda chick who wants it all...yesterday! I can tell you have experienced tons of growth over the past year. I'm proud of you girl and have no doubt that this year will be the best you have ever had. I'm prayin' for ya.

Ya'll have a terrifically blessed summer day!!!

BTW: Not a thing wrong with cleanin' for money. Heck, I do it for free, ya know how much I love to clean :o)

Leann said...

How liberating!!! Congrats on all of the successes you've had this past year. I am confident you will survive no matter are a shown by this past year! If you can't afford a divorce you might consider a legal separation. That way your monitary needs are met instead of waiting on him. Just a thought.

Take care and keep writing! Good stuff!

ohiofarmgirl said...

I pray you do not lose your home and that you will find just the right job that you love and will be with wonderfully positive people. Dianntha

Farmchick said...

Wow my have had some tough times...but it seems you are tougher! I know God is working in your will get through this...thinking of you...and welcome back to blogging!

Diane said...

Tough times indeed, but here you are still chugging along, and good on you too. Maybe, just maybe, it was for the best.. I hope you dont lose the house, but if that does happen, may you find someplace more wonderful to live! Thinking of you always...X

Lisa said...

Isn't it amazing that you feel like you hit a wall, but then you pull thru and life seems to teach you some wonderful things. I went thru that years ago and thought i was dying. Then I woke up. Take your time to smell the roses there are so many roses out there. Travel with your new friend and have a blast!! Annie says you are beautiful my dear!! Luv, Lisa

Karen said...

You have certainly found yourself in the past year.

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Nezzy said...

Hey sweetie, I just dropped by to see what you've been up to and how your are doin'. I hope all is well.

God bless ya and have the most beautiful day sweetie!!!

My Country Baby Murphy