Saturday, June 6, 2009

We lost our baby Niles today





I write these words through tears; so I hope there aren't too many typos. My sweet boy Niles left us this afternoon. He was never ill; other than his eye issue, and even today, he was playing acting as usual. This morning I hand fed him his food; because he wanted to be babied as he often did. Then we sat on the couch and I cuddled him and told him how much I loved him; then I put in his eye drops. I was going to go to Quincy today for a prim show and possibly Holly to the prim shop. I was on my way to Holly had just gotten off at the exit when my husband called me to tell me he was gone. He was out with his dad and siblings playing with his favorite ball. He stopped playing and laid down to nap and then he left us. The pain I feel right now I cannot describe. I feel guilty because I left today; I was not ready to let him go. I never would be. I hoped for a miracle; a dog that lives as long as we do. I screamed in the car and cried for a long time; I drove home screaming and crying. I saw him when I came home; I kissed his muzzle goodbye. I hoped my husband was wrong; maybe he is just asleep. But no, he has gone. I am left with a broken heart. We took them to McDonalds last night for a burger. Niles was so happy! I tried to give him and all of them my all. I tried to give them everything I could. I hope he was happy; I think he was. I will love him forever. I didn't write about him as much and for that I am sorry. His favorite song was "Who Let the Dogs Out" and he would dance to that! He loved hamburgers, dog bones and rides in the car. He was extremely smart and I often counted on him as he knew everything. He loved life; he loved everyone and everything he came in contact with. His favorite toy was the big orange ball he played with today. Second favorite was his ringy-ding-ding. He growl talked to me and would often carry on a conversation with me at length. He loved water and his favorite thing was for one of us to say "soak-a-bull" he would then run to that bathroom and bark at the tub! He was a one in a million baby. He was not my dog, he was my child, my heart. I was struck immediately when I came home by his loss. Even with four, now three, you immediately feel the missing part of your heart. We will bury him by the willow tree he loved. I wish I could have him back; I am so very,very broken today. I love the all I do. But he was my very first bully and really the best. I will be back sometime in the near future. Right now, I have to learn to live without him. I really don't know how. I love you Niles! My sweet boy; forever in my heart.

22 comments:

kim said...

I am sorry to hear of your loss.
take care Kim

Jane's Fabrics and Quilts said...

Oh, my heart is breaking for you, I know how it feels and it hurts, they are not animals, they are family, I am so very sorry, and I know for sure he was so happy with you and so loved. Thank you for sharing the pictures and the stories with us. xoxox

Lisa said...

I truly understand!! You did a wonderful tribute to him my dear. There is no doubt in my mind he loved you very, very much. He had a wonderful family!! I am so sorry Niles isn't with you physically, but I bet he's waiting to see you sometime in the future. He's waiting for a big hug and hoping you bring him his orange ball so you can play in Heaven. God Bless you my friend. Take your time, remember Niles loved you very, very much!!!

rockriverstitches said...

I am so sorry about your Niles passing away. My heart goes out to you. It's so hard when are fur babies leave us, I know because we lost our kitty Socks last fall. Still miss him.

Hugs, Tammy

basketsnprims said...

Merrie ~
I am so very sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel as we have gone through this. Take care, sweetie.
hugs,
Pam

Yankee Ridge Primitives said...

Awww Merrie, Im so sorry!
Im crying reading this post! You are a great mom and Niles KNOWS that.

Lisa's comment is so true!!

Im here if ya need an ear:)

Kath said...

I am so, so sorry for your loss...I know Nile's is in heaven, watchin over his wonderful-loving family...still!


TGC,
hugs-Kath

Lisa said...

I just had to come back and look at that beautiful baby...

Robby said...

I am so sorry to read this post. I can't imagine how alone you must have felt sitting in the car. I was wishing I could have been there to hold your hand as I read. I know you will never get over losing Niles and you will just learn to readjust your life without him. Hugs and kisses to you and your family. xxxRobby

Leslie ~ HarvestHomePrimitives said...

I am SO very, very sorry to hear about your loss. I know how difficult this is for you right now. I will be thinking and praying for you.

Holly Hills Primitives said...

Oh Merrie, I'm so, so sorry. When your husband called yesterday I was so worried and then I read your blog. Time WILL heal, but it sure will take awhile. My heart is with you, Dawn

Shari Kraft said...

Merrie...that is so sad. I feel the same way about my little guy. He's family and I would just die if anything happened to him. I know this doesn't make it better, but yesterday I was at a local event--Equi-Fest. Dog and horse vendors w/ show. They had a dog parade and "Who let the dogs out" was how they called them to the arena. I don't know why..but I immediately thought about you and your babies. It brought a smile to my face.

Karen said...

How sad. I can't say anymore about it because it just can't mend your broken heart.

cynthialeedesigns said...

Merrie,
I'm so sorry to hear about Niles...and I truly know what you are going through as it has only been a litte over 2 months since we lost our little Andy. I have tears running down my face for you and for me. We are never really ready to let our furry children go and I so agree that a part of our hearts are missing. Just know that he loved you with all his heart and he will be waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge at Heaven's Gate. I hope you can feel the hugs I'm sending your way...you are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this difficult time.
Hugs, Cindy

LeeHillPrimitives said...

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Michele said...

Oh my gosh...I'm so sorry about Niles. My heart breaks everytime I hear of a loss like that. I honestly don't know what I will do when my sweet Bear leaves me. They are part of our family...that's for sure.

Big hugz,
Michele

Primitive House said...

Merrie~~
I am so sorry for your loss. I know that you love your dogs very much. I hope that soon you find some peace. I know that it is hard to see them go!

Many Blessings To You.....
Lori

PrimAngel said...

Merrie,
I am so very sorry for your loss.. I have tears running down my cheeks as I write this to you as I have older furbabies that I love also... My heart breaks for you and your loss.. I am sure your Niles knew how much you loved him....by just your words of his action... he sounds like he was so very smart too..did you ever think maybe he didnt want you there because he knew you couldn't handle it.. he loved you that much!!!
Blessings coming your way!!
My utmost sympathy coming your way!!
Nancy

Countryfolk Keepsakes said...

Merrie, I am so very, very sorry to read about the passin' of your baby, Niles.
He had the best life and I'm sure he knew how much you loved him. :> )
I will pray the Lord helps in healin' your broken heart.
~Peanut

Parsley said...

Just had to comment how sorry I am for your loss of your fur-baby. I know only too well how much it hurts to loose a dog who is like a member of the family. Prayers your way.

Parsley said...

I couldn't have said it better. Blogs are our way of connecting with the friends God intended for us to have in some ways I think.

Years ago we had our first 'daughter-dog' put down. It still haunts me. There will always be an empty space in our hearts where these fur babies used to be. I can still smell her and feel her fur. When we had to put a stray down recently (check my blog) it brought back all those memories.

I can't help but think our furry family will be in heaven to great us with wagging tails.

ohiofarmgirl said...

We lost our dear Jackie yesterday...he was my daughters constant companion. Our dd was 9 when she got her and she is now 21. While she is at college I take care of her and I miss her terrible..I know that my dd is grieving so...it was a terrible day yesterday...today...not much better. i feel your pain. Dianntha


My Country Baby Murphy