Happy December !

It has been a good long time since I have felt like posting anything. I do read all your blogs though and keep up with some of you through Facebook as well. But I still felt guilty about leaving my blog hanging. And it sure has been hard to keep my mouth shut so long; those who know me will be laughing in agreement.

This month is my little Sydney's birthday; she will be two. She is still a puppy:) My human ( or hooman in LOLspeak) child was born on Christmas Eve in 1978. My son, who lives in Heaven now, was born two years and four days later on the 28th. Both were preemies. My daughter was 4 lbs. and 8 ozs, my son was 5lbs,10ozs; they had told me while in labor with her that she would most likely only weigh a pound or two and would not likely survive. She surprised them though.

I had to fight for her to be born; she was not wanted by my then husband or even his family; who are all allegedly Catholics! They are quite demented. But I refused to have an abortion; even though I was very young (16) when I married her father and only 17 when I had her, I knew there was something there for me to love and care for, someone who would not reject me as my own mother and sisters had done. ( At least until she was a teenager!LOL) I felt her spirit inside. I was afraid she would leave me soon after birth. I went into labor on the 23rd of December; she was born early on the 24th. She was my Christmas miracle. I named her Christmas Eve as there was no other name that could be as special and miraculous as she is. People give her a lot of grief about her name, but I think she knows why I chose that name for her. She was the Christmas gift that I so wanted and received. My miracle. And she still is.

She was a fighter from the beginning as was my son. She had to tolerate taking a back seat to her brother who was ill with asthma most of the time as well as being developmentally delayed. He required a lot, but she tried to help as best as she could. She was a little mama to him and a big sister who was fierce in her devotion to her brother. Anyone who tried to say anything cruel about her brother, or to take advantage of him was quickly taken to task by my baby girl. If anything I feel so guilty now, as when I was in the situation, I did not see that she was left behind in many ways. I loved her then as I do now; she was and still is my baby girl; my first little girl.

My anniversary is the 27th of December. It is still a busy December no matter how you look at it. My husband and I are talking to each other and have formed some type of new relationship. I do not know where that will end up. I am letting God figure that out, I can't control everything no matter how much I would like to!

This will also be the first Christmas without my beloved Niles as well as my husband. I know already it will be hard. His birthday ( and his Dad's) was last month, I found it so hard to keep going forward in November. I think I will be okay now. I don't know why; maybe its all the help I have received from ALL my friends, or the prayers you all have sent, but when I woke up Saturday morning, I had a sense of well-being that I have never had before. I knew when I got up that things were different. I no longer had any anger in my heart and I felt renewed. At peace with what is right now.

Murphy has been ill all weekend with some kind of canine cold. He saw the wonderful Dr. Rita yesterday and is now on his way back to health; Thank Goodness!!! I am hoping this continues. Thank you all for the love you send our way; it is a healing force in our lives. I'm back to stay!!